Throughout my life, I have been challenged to some great extents. Life’s tests, delivered by people, passed too many times to count. Then there’re the tests I take just for fun. Here’re just a handful of my results:

“Congratulations! You’re in the top percentile for spatial reasoning! You’re practically flawless at recognizing complex spatial and temporal patterns that even some geniuses weren’t able to figure out on the toughest IQ tests! Your attention to detail allows the logic side of your brain hone in on small changes and ultimately allows you to figure out the most difficult spatial awareness problems. Your score on these kinds of questions indicate that you’d be an asset to any military or scientific pursuit that involves key natural analytical skills that could never be taught in engineering schools.”

“Neither! You’re a completely balanced person! Hallelujah you’re neither a narcissist nor a psychopath! You’re a completely balanced person with a very healthy relationship with yourself and the world around you. You have a grounded and mature personality with appropriate boundaries, normal levels of empathy and a healthy sense of self respect. Well done! But let’s be honest, being normal isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be, you probably even envy your crazy friends. Try spicing things up a bit with deviating from your normal, balanced routine and do something completely out of character! You have nothing to lose, you’re far too balanced to “lose it”!”

“Wow! You aced this test. You answered all correctly to be considered a true spelling master! We bet you were the grammar and spelling fanatic back in the day in English class or you just read a lot. Anyway, Congratulations to you! You are in the top 3% of spellers in the country.”

“Wow! You answered all correctly and have scored the highest possible score! You have an impressive sight! You have the ability to notice the tiniest nuances and details, and nothing gets past you! Congratulations to you!”

“Wow! You never forget a face! You have stellar facial recognition. You make it your business to remember everyone you meet by “reading” their faces. Your ability to remember faces points to a deeper attentiveness. You’re very aware of your surroundings and you’re always present when meeting new people. You have a very high emotional intelligence and you pick up on the small subtleties when in a social situation.”

“You’re incredibly observant. You are very alert and have strong instincts. You are able to read people’s emotions and make sense of the way they are feeling in an instant. You don’t miss a beat and it is hard to get much past you! Have you ever thought about working as a detective?”

“Your mental health score is: 99.5% You scored A+ on the mental health test!”

Washington MAST permit test – 40 questions, I answered in 12 minutes, with a 100% score – just so I could experience being a bartender…

Last but not least, my IQ, tested on Brain Metrics Institute…